In recent years I’ve been under the impression that, for a person who doesn’t drink soda, I’ve accumulated a fairly broad knowledge of Coca-Cola history and products. I mean, I go to a school with an endowment tied to Coke stock, I cringe and while drinking Minute Maid in plastic bottles because there’s no other orange juice on campus, I dived on a Trashmasters tossup on “The Fantanas,” I’ve speculated on the presence of magnesium sulfate in my Dasani water... Heck, I’ve even been to Atlanta’s very own World of Coke, and that, my friends, is one scary marketing venue if there ever was one. So for me to find something new and unknown about everyone’s favorite soft drink manufacturer today was a bit of a surprise. But here I was, standing in line at the grocery store trying to surrepticiously move from side to side to see both pictures on the holographic Vanilla Coke ad, when I noticed a long line of fine print down at the bottom. Vanilla Coke, Cherry Coke, and Coke are all patented by Coca-Cola, Inc. Okay, nothing new there. The Contour Bottle, Coke Logo, Red Disk and Dynamic Ribbon Device are all patented trademarks of Coca-Cola. Waaaaait a second. “Dynamic Ribbon Device”? Do I read correctly that Coke has patented the little white squiggly line ?

Insanity.

In other strange observations, I spotted this cryptic note on the “Messages from Ski Patrol” blackboard by the ski lift this past weekend, alongside the usual “James Smith meet your wife at Logger’s Alley lift,” etc:

“Multicolored plastic snake please return to adaptive skiing.”

Every now and then, you see these messages that just make you wonder, you know? Did someone really lose a multicolored snake, or is this maybe one of many codes we just don’t usually notice? Perhaps a handoff gone bad?

A short man opens the door cautiously. The room is poorly lit and near empty, except for some abandoned ski equipment, by which stands a tall man in a trenchcoat, his face covered in shadow. He turns to the newcomer.

“Multicolored Plastic Snake?”

“Yes?”

“I am Porcelain Polka-Dot Dragon. Did you complete the drop?”

“I... I did, sir.”

“Then why is this briefcase . . . EMPTY?

Yup. These are the things I think about, with nothing better to do over winter break.