The Naughty Bits

In my mailbox today was a check for $30 from an Ivy League school of medicine (whose name I'll leave out) for my participation in a recent survey on sexual thoughts and behavior. Not a bad deal, $30 for twelve pages of my attempts to quantify the frequency of thoughts and actions within the guidelines of poorly-written numerical multiple choice questions. So in celebration of my new pocket change, I offer some steamy details of my sex life, excerpted from said survey, just for you DeludingMyself fans:

Five. Three. One. Zero. Zero. Four. Five. Five. Fouuuuuur.

Thank you. Thank you. Full membership is now just $5.95 a month.